Over the hump.

I had every intention of posting more this week...and then it just wasn't the priority. I've read lots of friends' blogs this week and several of them have talked about their blogs falling to the end of the priority list and I think that's totally okay!! If we all have something to say...say it! If not, let the blogs  sit silent until we do!

I realized this morning since I hadn't posted anything this week, the last post I had up was describing my medical scare and trying to figure my health out. I then thought to myself "self, it's time for a check in!"

Currently, I have gone one full (and glorious) week without a single headache or dizzy spell. I have boiled it down to the supplement I was taking for my mental health. Up until November of 2015 I was taking an anti-depressant. When I wanted to remove that medication, I went back to using St. John's Wort to help with mood stability. Last week when I was trying everything and could not figure out what was happening to my body, I took out all supplements and realized almost instantly that the St. John's Wort was to blame for my symptoms.

I've more recently learned that St. John's Wort is not as reliable as I was once led to believe, because as we all know supplements available in retail stores are not well regulated and St. John's Wort can have many unnecessary and unhealthy additives. Also, the main ingredient in St' John's is known to cause many side effects, some of which include the dizziness and headaches.

I am tempted to go as far as to say that my complex migraine was a result of my body not doing well with the St. John's as well. However, only time will tell me if that's true. It is possible that I get another hemiplegic migraine in a week or a month. We will have to wait and see on that one.

Since removing St. John's Wort from my daily life, I have felt instant relief from both the mid day dizziness and the frequent painful headaches. I have felt my energy bounce back up and am thinking much more sharply. I can't tell if I am struggling mentally and emotionally because of the absence of the supplement, or if it was a placebo effect and now I just "feel" like I am struggling. I have moments where I dislike myself very much and continue to tear myself apart for very unreasonable things. However, I feel well equipped to fight those mental struggles, whereas I was not okay living with the dizziness and headaches.

Because of the health scare and constant confusing, however, the beginning of 2016 has felt chaotic. I have felt completely out of balance, as if I am on a tight rope between two sky scrapers and everything is literally about to come crashing down. I have struggled to feel progress with my fitness. I have struggled to find enjoyment from my career. I have struggled to maintain enough energy to keep up with my toddler. And I have struggled to maintain normalcy.

However, I feel as if I am finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I think I figured out what was causing me to feel so horrible. I am working on my mental outlook on life. I am slowly catching up with tasks at work and at home. And I have recommitted to my fitness process. This last week I have been cutting (calories) and the dietary changes have shown great promise! I am going to continue to trust the process and be consistent and push forward!

The reason I do want to say all of this in a public manner, is so my community sees that everything we put in our bodies matters. We all understand the importance of nutrition and work on clean eating. But then I see lots of women supplement their diets with pills, pre-workouts, protein bars, etc. All of those things are chemicals and the bottom line is we really don't know what those chemicals are or where they are from!

If you work hard to keep your diet clean, why not keep the medications and supplements clean as well? If you are sensitive to food like I am, you will probably be sensitive to any chemical you ingest as well. I am not saying stop what you're doing, but maybe just be aware and really think of which products you are choosing to use.

Things are finally getting better in this Little Life!!

Health Scare.

I've been MIA for too long, am I right? I don't even know if anyone even reads my blog anymore, but I enjoy writing as a way to vent and let my thoughts out of my crazy head, so I am going to keep writing anyway!

So, it was Thursday. It was February 11. I was at work, in the middle of a Spanish 2 class. The kids were working so well and I was trying to file papers into the cabinet. I was trying to tell a student what word to write as a folders label. And it hit me...I could not get the words out! I was having a very hard time thinking of the right words in my head, but when I would finally get a hold of a word, I could not get it to correctly come out of my mouth! I just kept laughing at myself to hide my panic in front of the students.

As my head got foggy and dizzy and I continued to not be able to control my speech or my handwriting, I was getting very nervous. At first I thought I was having a blood sugar crash, so that was an easy fix. Class let out and I went to lunch, had a soda and all my food and waited for things to get better.

Instead, the entire right half of my body went numb. Foot? Numb. Hand? Numb. Cheek? Numb. Tongue? Numb. At this point I wasn't able to hold my cup of water or the food I was trying to eat. My head was spinning and I felt stuck and confused and was beginning to get very scared.

Like I always do, I tried to tough it out. I went back to the next class, but I couldn't even get the correct password typed into my computer. I alerted the principal who offered to watch my afternoon classes while I went home and rested it off.

I got him and told the babysitter I just needed to rest, so I ended up napping for several hours. I still woke up in the evening with a horrible headache and lots of neck stiffness and body aches. I just took it easy all of Thursday night, hanging out with the boys watching TV.

On Friday, my closest friend starts to get me freaked out, saying that what I experienced sounded like a stroke and that I needed to go to the emergency room. We compromised and in the afternoon I took myself to the Urgent Care. The PA suggested some routine blood work and a CT scan, which all came back perfectly clear with a steep price tag. So, we brushed it off a little, thinking I needed to rest more. We went and ate Olive Garden and had some MUCH needed girl time together. I just cannot resist the Lasagna Frita!! Yummmmo!

Now comes Saturday...I am going to tea with my Mom and my sister-in-law at a very cool old castle. Right before we are sitting down to eat, my left foot starts to feel incredibly heavy and almost as if it's not attached to my body. I start to take inventory of what's going on and I have a dull ache in my head again. Over the course of maybe 5 minutes, the entire left side of my body has gone numb. This time I can still talk, but the vertigo was overwhelming. I excused myself from lunch and started balling because I was so scared and the headache that was coming in was horrendous! I spent the entire three hours sleeping in the car while my Mom and sister-in-law had tea and the tour of the castle. 

When they were finished, I asked if we could go to the Emergency Room and we quickly went to the nearest one. The doctor this time really seemed knowledgable and he mentioned that it could be what is a called a vascular headache, since each episode had a bit different symptoms (the right brain controlling the left side of the body, the left brain controlling the right side of the body and the speech). He transferred me to a different Emergency Room to get an MRI done. The second ER was an absolute nightmare and I won't even go into detail of the 6 hours I spent there!!!

We were sent home finally around 11 pm Saturday night and I spent all of Sunday feeling kinda crappy, but slowly coming out of the haze. When I can finally think clearly again, the obsessive side of my personality takes over and I felt this feverish desire to figure out what was wrong with me. I had an appointment set with my General Physician on Thursday, so I just had to survive until then. 

Several friends received chaotic, psychotic text messages throughout the week as my brain ran the entire gamut of possibilities. Here is just a snippet of what I thought could have happened: a mini stroke, a hormonal episode, mercury poisoning from the tuna sandwiches, sensitivity to artificial sweeteners from my coffee, I made it up, alien brain takeover, etc. 

The best thing I did was type "vascular headache" into google and get a somewhat feasible starting point. Thank you very much to the ER doctor that I don't even remember your name.... After searching vascular headache I came to migrainetrust.org and this helped me dig through the types of migraines that people can experience. The only type of migraine that fit the stoke-like symptoms I experienced was hemiplegic migraines. 

I took this term and concern to my doctor and she agrees with the ER doctor that that is the most likely cause of the episode I had at work and at tea with my Mom. Now, I haven't seen a neurologist for an official diagnosis, but my physician said this is a disorder that doesn't have an exact diagnosis anyway. I've found out that I could do some genetic testing, but it isn't verified yet either. Currently, I've been given a prescription for migraine medication to use if I feel the onset of another migraine, I've been given some generic blood tests, and I've been asked to make a few changes to daily life.

The artificial sweeteners are silently killing me, I swear! okay, that's an exaggeration, but they are worse than I thought and I am very sensitive to them. The Blendicano that I enjoy every.single.day is made with one Splenda and Starbucks' Sugar Free Caramel. So, I've changed that by removing the Splenda and using the regular caramel syrup. I also noticed that the Quest Bars and Pure Protein bars that I eat had Aspartame and other artificial sweeteners, so I tossed those. The Celucor protein has a bit of Sucralose in it...but that can was pricey and I just can't waste the money, so I will be finishing that. Today is day 6 without the artificial sweeteners, and a lot of my daily dizziness has gone away. 

 

I was also asked to change the timing of some of the vitamins I take. I changed to taking my St. John's Wort and Magnesium before bed, and only taking the B-12 in the morning. I will keep you updating on how that is changing. My Doctor also recommended a couple other B vitamins to help with migraine prevention and I need to look into that as soon as possible. 

Currently, I am just working on accepting the fact that at any point I could have another migraine, that begins with the symptoms of a stroke. I really hope it doesn't happen again, but most likely it will sometime. I will just need to figure out how to best cope and deal with the migraines in the future. I have considered wearing a medical alert bracelet in case I lose my ability to speak again...but that's for another day. 

For now, I am just trying to relax more and squeeze in some quality time with my boys! Things have been a tiny bit stressful in this Little Life!

Fitness Friday

Alright, guys. I feel like a fraud...sitting here trying to talk to you about fitness when I feel like I am struggling a little bit! I mean, fitness is totally a state of mind I think. And, I am not doing great at maintaining that state of mind. I am frustrated currently because I am still fighting my body insecurities and the negative self talk. Today what's bugging me is the tummy skin and bloating. I know we make a bigger deal about our problem areas than anyone else would...but my thoughts are the only ones I hear, so they are the only ones I am working with.

This is me with Jaxon at the pool today and I felt great with the huge exception of that belly skin you can see hanging around. Oh well, I suppose I am just a huge work in progress.

I'm a Libra and I constantly strive for balance, but dang it if sometimes balance feels like an impossible goal!! Right now I am trying to balance work, family, fitness, hobbies, marriage, and house work. As far as my workout routine goes, I am trying to balance group classes, weight lifting, cardio and running as well as now adding in CrossFit foundation classes for the next three weeks. I just cannot nail down the best, balanced weekly schedule...but I am still trying.

Is anyone out there just totally gung-ho about one type of exercise? Maybe you love running all day every day? Or you hit the stationary bike religiously? Maybe you are completely devoted to a yogi lifestyle?

Me...I am the total opposite! I want to dabble in each type of activity and balance them all in perfect harmony! So, here is the only thing I want to talk about on this day in which I feel like a fraud: what types of activities I enjoy and why, also why I think it's important to balance a bunch of different activities.

1. My true love is weight lifting. I am not sure how I got so addicted to it, but I love the feeling and effects of lifting weights. It makes me feel strong and I can count the numbers on the dumbbells and see that as progress in my journey. I also love the feeling of being able to shape a certain part of my body that I focus on while weight training.

Yep, I tried to squat a person. Well, a tiny person!

2. Group HIIT classes. Sam (seen above acting as my barbell) teaches a HIIT cardio class Tuesdays and Thursdays at the rec center. I love group classes because it gives you a core group of partners. Women who will push you and encourage you and also hold you accountable. I love my IG group, but there is just something to be said about the face to face connecting of ladies who are all struggling to get through the workout together!

Here is a crazy bunch of peeps I love after we did a tough circuit last Friday!

3. Stretching and Yoga. Now I am not good at this practice whatsoever, but I am slowly learning and slowly finding that a yoga flow can really improve your strength training by helping muscles recover faster, joints keep up with the strain of gaining muscle mass and just by giving your body a concentrated relaxation!


Lots of room for improvement here!

4. Running. I have never been a natural runner. I mean, I was the goalie on my soccer team so I could play but still avoid all the running! lol! But, after discovering my love for Spartan races, I added distance running into my training routine so that I can improve my completion time. In 2015 the longest run I completed was 14 miles, even though I started the year not being able to complete more than 2 miles. Now, I can add distance but increasing pace is another story. I feel a bit stuck with my pacing, but I am not out to race anyone any time soon! Running is a steady state cardio that has really helped with the tummy fat/skin that I talked about earlier. I feel the leanest and tightest after a solid run.

5. Every day changes. I can workout 6 days a week, but I very much struggle to stay active in the rest of my day. At school, I so easily get stuck at my desk when I am entering grades, answering emails, creating the next unit, etc. So, I have been focusing on using my FitBit to give me the silent reminders to stand up and get moving. I also use the competitive aspect of the FitBit app to try to get more steps than anyone else I know! lol! Lastly, I ordered an adjustable desk stand to place my laptop on so that I can easily adjust from sitting to standing and hopefully I will stand more at work. My posture is horrendous after a day of working on the computer!


I will post about my weekly routine next week...hopefully after I find a better lineup of workouts!
For now, things are slowly improving in this Little Life!

The Rest Days

The hardest part about being a perfectionist struggling with OCD and in the middle of a fantastic fitness journey is the Rest Day.

The Rest Day feels like a failure and I cannot explain exactly why. This is the day where I have to remind myself that resting is part of recovery and recovery is when the muscles repair themselves and become stronger. Logically...I get that.

But emotionally I just can't get a grip.

Take for example last Sunday. If you follow me on Instagram, you have seen that for the past six weeks or so, in addition to my normal workout routine, I have been working my way up to a half marathon length run. Well, last Sunday, I reached that goal! I ran 13.1 miles. Okay, okay...I walked mile 7 when I needed to eat, and I ran at a horrendously slow pace the rest of the time. But my feet were moving for 13.13 straight miles.

Then on Monday, I started Lauren Gleisberg's six weeks Beauty and Booty challenge. I did Leg Day on Monday, struggled through Arm Day on Tuesday, tried to do some core work on Wednesday but started fading...by Thursday I was exhausted and felt completely wrecked. I went to the chiropractor, but didn't rest. Friday I did HIIT treadmill cardio, arms and shoulders, as well as more core work. Then on Saturday....I didn't workout. Today...I didn't work out. And the guilt has set in.

Now is when I have to remind myself that resting is just as important as working out. Health is a balancing act of mental, emotional, AND physical wellness. Right now, I am completely off balance. I haven't pinpointed the exact problem, or problems, but I forced myself to rest and relax this weekend.

It dawned on me that most people would probably take a day or two off after their first Half Marathon run, but I didn't. I kept pushing and pushing and ran myself right off a cliff. Now, I realize that the recovery stage is crucial.

I have to work on Rest Days to remind myself that I won't lose all my progress in one or two days. I literally repeat in my head "It's okay to rest, it's okay to rest." My biggest fear is waking up the day after a Rest Day and gaining all 60 pounds back and starting over. I know this won't really happen, but mental struggles are not usually rational.

Even though I didn't make any physical gains this weekend, I did make some huge mental and emotional gains. I let myself relax. I let my mind go blank and not worry about a to-do list. I finished chores around the house that made me feel very organized and accomplished. I spent the day out and about with my boys, buying Jaxon some new shoes and jeans. I talked to my husband again and we laughed for miles and miles in the car. I laid around and did nothing. I ignored my phone. I watched a couple of movies. I told myself positive things. I told my son jokes and cuddled and kissed him more than he wanted.

One of the coolest moments was this afternoon when the three of us took a bike ride together around the block. We got Jaxon one of these cool Velo bikes that doesn't have petals. He is getting so good at pushing himself and lifting his feet to glide. His balance amazes me and his coordination is really improving. He probably loved having Mom and Dad ride along side him around the block. And the fact that we shared a half hour of pure, uninterrupted time together as a family was exactly what my heart needed. No phone, no tasks, no guilt. Just the sunset, our bikes and the laughter of my little boy!

And now, Jaxon is sound asleep and Jason is taking time to work in his garage on the race car. Believe it or not I am not meal prepping or folding laundry. I am sitting in my craft room, working in my planner and scrapbooking my Week in the Life! It's a little slice of personal heaven in these quiet two hours before I go to bed and end another weekend. 

If you're on a fitness journey of your own, you have to know the importance of rest days for your physical well-being. Your body needs to that time recover and get stronger before it starts again. But I cannot speak highly enough of the benefits of rest days for your mental and emotional well-being too! I feel so calm and refreshed after two days off that I am now ready to take on the week and offer my best to the world! I hope this week I won't drag myself through the motions like last week. I hope I will have the energy to move mountains and really change people's lives!!

....................Everything is feeling right in this Little Life...................

Spartan Chick

This time last year, if I was to do one of those activities where I imagine my life a year into the future I would have NEVER pictured it like this!

One of the biggest surprises that has come along this past year was running a Spartan Race (or three) and loving it as much as I did!

When a friend at the rec center first asked me to do the Spartan Race, I giggled nervously and brushed it off. Then I kept thinking about it, but just didn't think it was possible. I had a million reasons excuses.

1. I can't run.
2. My knees hurt.
3. I don't know what to expect.
4. What if I fail?
5. How can I eat during the race?
6. It's too much money.
7. Mud is not exactly my thing.

And so on...

But, I have committed to my One Little Word of "push" this year and part of my objective with that word is to push myself to try new things by saying yes to every new opportunity I got this year. So, I hesitantly signed up for my first Spartan Sprint Race.

And then the day came. I hadn't done much of anything outside of my normal workouts to prepare. I just figured I would see how it went.

The Fort Carson Sprint ended up being a little under 5 miles with 26 obstacles and was the most fun I have ever had during a competition of sorts! I quickly learned that my knees didn't hurt, I wouldn't fail and that mud is EXACTLY my thing! I loved every minute of it and the sense of accomplishment at the end is unbelievable!

Figuring out my own technique for the barbed wire crawl.

Coming out of the muddy water in the Dunk Wall.

Swinging across on the rope, hoping my butt doesn't hit the water.

My first finish and the best feeling ever!

#swolesisters

My favorite little cheerleader!

Very soon after completing this first Sprint race, I signed up to do a second one. I was so excited and now I had a better idea of what to train and practice for. 

Breckenridge was another beast entirely and no matter what I prepared for in my head, it was a different type of challenge. The altitude, to begin with, was very tough to overcome! Some of the obstacles were completely new to us, and we struggled at some points.

Running out of the 40 degree water.

Barbed Wire Crawl in the snow up the side of a ski slope.

The best choice I made for this time around was to purchase a Flip Belt. It's a belt made of stretchy, fitness clothing material, that has small slits in it and is a large pocket all the way around. With it I carried protein bars and Power Bar gummies right around my hips, which made me feel much more confident knowing my blood sugars wouldn't crash mid-race!

Log carry.

Now with two races under my belt, I was completely addicted! All I could think about was another race and training even better. I quickly signed up for the next race in two weeks in Salt Lake City, Utah. This time, I went even bigger, to the Super, which is approximately 8 miles long with more obstacles. 

I had to get a Spartan Selfie!

A Frame Cargo Net Climb.

My first tire flipping experience! 

Going across the rope...I would have been more scared if it was over water.

The muddiest barbed wire crawl known to man!

My workout buddy, Sam, couldn't make this race, so I was going at it alone. But something you quickly learn as a Spartan is that the sense of community and teamwork is incredible! Anyone will be willing to help you on obstacles where you struggle and there is always someone cheering you along!

Now, here it is barely three months after running my first Sprint race and I have completed an additional Sprint as well as a Super. I am also signed up to run the Beast in Dallas, Texas in October. I am so nervous about having to run 13+ miles in the Beast, but I am working my hardest to bring the biggest A-game possible! 

That post race glow!

If I manage to finish the Beast without collapsing and dying (which is a possibility here...) then I will have completed a Spartan Trifecta my first year as a competitor! A Trifecta is completing one race of each length in the Spartan brand and I am super excited to get the last piece to my Trifecta medal!

One thing I love about being a Spartan is that it is the exact opposite of who I thought I was, and yet it makes me feel so complete! I usually run the race with lipgloss in my pocket the entire time and I have come up with the term "Team High Maintenance" for Sam and I. I absolutely believe that I can be girly and one tough mama all at the same time! I am my own kind of badass and pretty darn proud of that!

Here is to the two sides of me...the beauty AND the beast!

.................... I'm making gains in this Little Life! ....................

What fitness means to me.

This week last year, my husband said to me "Hey, I know you want some help with your weight so I saw in the paper they are doing the Biggest Loser competition at the Rec Center and thought it might be fun." Normally, I would probably have been hurt by that. But in this case, I had to admit he was right and he was very sensitive in his approach.

The fact was that we struggled to get pregnant for almost three years. First, there was some depression and frustration and naturally I gained a few pounds with that. Then, there were the fertility treatments and drugs, and I gained way more than a few pounds. Lastly, there was finally the pregnancy and I was not cautious with my weight gain during those nine months. I was so happy to be pregnant that I lived it up.

Rewind a bit before the infertility and I struggled very much with reactive hypoglycemia. For a year I had severe seizure like reactions to a drop in blood sugar and went misdiagnosed for much of that time. Once I finally realized what was the actual problem, I worked hard on changing my diet in order to maintain more stable blood sugar levels. I decreased the frequency of my seizures, but I never factored in any exercise.

All of these factors put together has shot me up to a weight of 175 before my pregnancy and 205 right before having Jaxon in November of 2013.

So, I was very hesitant and insecure when I started the Biggest Loser, but it was probably one of the biggest, most important baby steps I have ever taken in my life. Back last February, I only worked out once a week and led a pretty unhealthy lifestyle, but I focused each week on making one tiny change. For example, one week I focused only on drinking enough water, another week focused on cutting out one source of processed sugar each day, one week focused on adding two more weekly workouts, and one week focused on changing to a meal prep lifestyle with salads for lunch instead of frozen meals.

From February 2014 to May 2014, I didn't see a whole lot of change. I lost a few pounds during the competition, but I really started to see changes over the summer when I devoted more time to working out. I went up to 4 or 5 workouts a week for the next few months and the pounds started dropping off.

When school started back up in August 2014, I had laser like focus on my diet. I started adding more protein, eating a well balanced breakfast, I cut out all soda (my biggest joy in life at that point) and traded it in for a low cal, low sugar Blendicano each day. I cut down to one cheat meal a week and started having healthier snacks. All of these small changes were really adding up, and after seeing so much progress, I was hooked and wanted more!

In September 2014, I tried the Fit Girls 28 Day jumpstart ebook and loved it! I didn't do many of the workouts, because I was loving my HIIT class. But the recipes really helped wrapped my brain around healthier eating. I started having protein power bowls for lunch, consisting of chicken and beans, quinoa, and roasted veggies. This keeps me full for the afternoon and gives me enough energy to get through a tough workout after a full work day!

Like everyone, I struggled around the holidays because, let's face it, I LOVE cookies! I gained  little bit of weight back after Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year. But, I came into 2015 with a ton of energy and motivation! I started several programs in January: the 12 week Bikini Body Guide, a 12 week weight lifting program, and more recently, Alexa Jean's 30 day Sore to the Core challenge.

Lifting heavier weights and cutting back on the cardio, has actually pushed me past my plateau and I am not losing pounds, but I am losing inches and feeling much stronger! I had a hard time thinking that lifting weights was the same type of workout for your body when I wasn't sweating the same as high intensity cardio, but it is actually making a difference! Since January, I have lost 3 inches on my chest, 2 inches on my waist, and 3 inches on my hips! To me, that's huge progress! I also had to accept the fact that at some point you can't use weight as a measurement of progress anymore. At some point you have to use other things: how your clothes fit, or measurements, progress photos, or muscle gain.

What I wanted to say by telling you all this background information is that my definition of fitness and health has monumentally changed throughout the last calendar year! At first, it was all about weight loss and feeling skinny. Then it went to just a lifestyle choice with balanced nutrition and regular exercise. Now it's a question of control and progress. I see that I am in complete control of what my body is like and that I can make any changes I want to it. I see that by trying different forms of exercise, your body responds in different ways and adapts to each change.