What fitness means to me.

This week last year, my husband said to me "Hey, I know you want some help with your weight so I saw in the paper they are doing the Biggest Loser competition at the Rec Center and thought it might be fun." Normally, I would probably have been hurt by that. But in this case, I had to admit he was right and he was very sensitive in his approach.

The fact was that we struggled to get pregnant for almost three years. First, there was some depression and frustration and naturally I gained a few pounds with that. Then, there were the fertility treatments and drugs, and I gained way more than a few pounds. Lastly, there was finally the pregnancy and I was not cautious with my weight gain during those nine months. I was so happy to be pregnant that I lived it up.

Rewind a bit before the infertility and I struggled very much with reactive hypoglycemia. For a year I had severe seizure like reactions to a drop in blood sugar and went misdiagnosed for much of that time. Once I finally realized what was the actual problem, I worked hard on changing my diet in order to maintain more stable blood sugar levels. I decreased the frequency of my seizures, but I never factored in any exercise.

All of these factors put together has shot me up to a weight of 175 before my pregnancy and 205 right before having Jaxon in November of 2013.

So, I was very hesitant and insecure when I started the Biggest Loser, but it was probably one of the biggest, most important baby steps I have ever taken in my life. Back last February, I only worked out once a week and led a pretty unhealthy lifestyle, but I focused each week on making one tiny change. For example, one week I focused only on drinking enough water, another week focused on cutting out one source of processed sugar each day, one week focused on adding two more weekly workouts, and one week focused on changing to a meal prep lifestyle with salads for lunch instead of frozen meals.

From February 2014 to May 2014, I didn't see a whole lot of change. I lost a few pounds during the competition, but I really started to see changes over the summer when I devoted more time to working out. I went up to 4 or 5 workouts a week for the next few months and the pounds started dropping off.

When school started back up in August 2014, I had laser like focus on my diet. I started adding more protein, eating a well balanced breakfast, I cut out all soda (my biggest joy in life at that point) and traded it in for a low cal, low sugar Blendicano each day. I cut down to one cheat meal a week and started having healthier snacks. All of these small changes were really adding up, and after seeing so much progress, I was hooked and wanted more!

In September 2014, I tried the Fit Girls 28 Day jumpstart ebook and loved it! I didn't do many of the workouts, because I was loving my HIIT class. But the recipes really helped wrapped my brain around healthier eating. I started having protein power bowls for lunch, consisting of chicken and beans, quinoa, and roasted veggies. This keeps me full for the afternoon and gives me enough energy to get through a tough workout after a full work day!

Like everyone, I struggled around the holidays because, let's face it, I LOVE cookies! I gained  little bit of weight back after Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year. But, I came into 2015 with a ton of energy and motivation! I started several programs in January: the 12 week Bikini Body Guide, a 12 week weight lifting program, and more recently, Alexa Jean's 30 day Sore to the Core challenge.

Lifting heavier weights and cutting back on the cardio, has actually pushed me past my plateau and I am not losing pounds, but I am losing inches and feeling much stronger! I had a hard time thinking that lifting weights was the same type of workout for your body when I wasn't sweating the same as high intensity cardio, but it is actually making a difference! Since January, I have lost 3 inches on my chest, 2 inches on my waist, and 3 inches on my hips! To me, that's huge progress! I also had to accept the fact that at some point you can't use weight as a measurement of progress anymore. At some point you have to use other things: how your clothes fit, or measurements, progress photos, or muscle gain.

What I wanted to say by telling you all this background information is that my definition of fitness and health has monumentally changed throughout the last calendar year! At first, it was all about weight loss and feeling skinny. Then it went to just a lifestyle choice with balanced nutrition and regular exercise. Now it's a question of control and progress. I see that I am in complete control of what my body is like and that I can make any changes I want to it. I see that by trying different forms of exercise, your body responds in different ways and adapts to each change.

End of the year.

This school year was actually the hardest year of my career. I am not sure what the main reason was: personal depression, unruly kids without consistent consequences, lack of support within our building, community issues being reflected within the school, exhaustion, having a one year old at home to worry about... I can't pinpoint the exact reason why this year was such a struggle.

But here I am, 18 days left, I think and I am finally reconnecting with my students. It feels so good! Some classes have big projects that are already done, Student Council only has the fun task of Teacher Appreciation Week left, and my Spanish classes are starting to wrap up and slow down. Of course we still have testing and assemblies and sports and tons of madness. But in the middle of that madness I've taken a couple of opportunities to talk to my students.

These aren't bad kids we are dealing with. They are good kids who haven't been raised the right way, haven't seen love modeled well, haven't experienced the safety net of a safe home environment. They are good kids who see too many bad things on TV, spend too many hours on Facebook and their phones, and have too many mature issues to deal with. I worry about them.

And, so, I've taken time out of my classes to just talk to them. Some kids have talked to me about their feelings of their own education system and how they think it should be different. Some kids have talked to me about working out and health and how they are taking control of their physical well being. Some kids have talked to me about Prom...and it drives me insane...but that's what they love and are excited for. Some Seniors are starting to talk to me about their fears for the future and the "what now" moment they are having. Some students have talked to me about struggles at home or with friends and I just keep telling them to push on, kill them with kindness, don't let the mistakes of others impact you.

I have been so angry this year with my students. Some have called me words I wouldn't even whisper or write on paper to repeat. Others have fought me every step of the way with being tardy, breaking rules, not studying, etc. Others simply don't do anything and tell their parents that I've lost their assignments...again.

But in the end, they are children. And bigger than that, they are confused children. They are young adults with an underdeveloped maturity and overactive imagination due to the influences they constantly receive from social media. They are kids who haven't been held to the consequences of their actions and that's not their faults. Can I really ask these students to parent themselves? To reflect on their behaviors and understand why they are wrong if no one else has taught them right and wrong?

This post might not make any sense, it's mostly just my end of the school year ramblings. But I just want to put it out there that the misbehaviors of our students aren't the teachers faults, aren't the students' faults...it's society's fault. It takes a village to raise them, right? And I am thinking that our village is failing them right now.

But despite the failures that our culture gives them, they are still good kids in the end. I love my students and they teach me more each year than I could ever hope to teach them.